How to Know if You Have a Victim Mentality

13 MIN READ

Managing a Person With a Victim Mentality

Dealing With Team Members Who Won't Accept Responsibility

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Maravic

Does your team member decline to be accountable for what happens to them?

Chances are, yous've shared an office with people whose lives seem to be a serial of dramas that are never their fault. As before long every bit they sit down down, you wait for their latest tale of woe. And they rarely disappoint!

"Why practise I always become the menial tasks? Information technology's and so unfair! Everyone else gets the interesting ones… "

"How am I supposed to end this report today? I only got the brief the other day… "

Sound familiar? If then, you could be working with someone with a "victim mentality." At first you listen with business organization, then you become a chip bored with all their self-pity. Yous then get annoyed equally their constant blaming of others for their ain failings starts to affect team morale and productivity.

In this article, we explore what is meant by a victim mentality, and how yous tin deal with this potentially damaging trait.

What Is a Victim Mentality?

Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries, Professor of Leadership Development and Organizational Change at the INSEAD Business Schoolhouse in France, described a victim mentality in his working paper, "Are You a Victim of the Victim Syndrome?"

Prof Kets de Vries says that someone with a victim mentality feels that they are beset by the globe, and are always at a disadvantage because of other people'south machinations or lack of consideration. [1]

But it isn't just fate that causes a "victim" to experience more difficulties than other people. They may, in fact, seek out disappointment because it can give them a "kick" that psychologists call a secondary gain. This is when not resolving a problem tin can actually take benefits. [2]

For example, someone with a victim mentality can feel pleasure when they receive attending or pity as a outcome of their misfortune. They may likewise get a perverse "thrill" from showing off the injury caused by others and creating a sense of guilt. Refusing to take responsibleness for a problem can be liberating, too.

Prof Kets de Vries adds that, although this behavior tin exist counter-intuitive, manipulative and damaging, a "victim" may be genuinely unaware of their own complicity in their issues, and their secondary gain may be subconscious.

Note:

It's vital to consider the possibility that the private in question is actually existence victimized. Bullying in the workplace can be subtle only devastating, and you have a responsibility to place and end information technology. The advice given here assumes that you have carefully looked into the circumstances and are reasonably sure the trouble lies with the private, non with another person.

What Are the Dangers of a Victim Mentality?

A team member with a victim mentality can pose real problems for you every bit a manager, and for the rest of your team. Here are four negative impacts that it tin accept.

1. Damaging for morale: their chronic pessimism and "woe is me" outlook can irritate and wear down their colleagues, spoiling the team'south overall happiness.
2. Damaging for productivity: they may make mistakes or crusade delays that they could have prevented, so they can blame others or highlight some perceived difficulty in their working weather.
3. Damaging for relationships: their behavior can swing from "victim" to "victimizer." One infinitesimal they may play the "victim" and seek attention, the next they may blame someone else or hurt those who attempt to help them.
4. Damaging for trust: they likely accept an external locus of control. This means they believe that everything that happens to them is beyond their control, and is down to fate, luck or other people. Equally a result, y'all may not feel able to trust them with any important tasks, or wait them to take responsibility for an outcome.

Managing a Person With a Victim Mentality

Co-ordinate to Prof Kets de Vries, 1 of the problems of dealing with someone with a victim mentality is that they probable don't want any help – and will react negatively to any attempts to alter their behavior or mindset.

This can exist attributed to the secondary proceeds effect. That is, they don't want the burden of accepting personal accountability for the problems that beset them. They may get defensive or act in a passive-ambitious way toward anyone who is merely trying to assistance – if they were openly aggressive, it would be harder for them to blame the resulting tension on a misunderstanding.

There is too the danger that they will accuse the helper of causing further distress. And so information technology's vital that you sympathize the take chances of conscious or unconscious discrimination and are very careful to avert fifty-fifty the advent of singling them out.

Equally a manager, your task is to enable your team members to perform well in their roles. You are not expected to exist a therapist, and your strategy must revolve around clear, effective performance management, equally outlined in these 8 steps:

Footstep 1: Identify the Signs of a Victim Mentality

If a team member regularly displays some or all of the following traits or behaviors, it's possible that they may have a victim mentality:

• They frequently blame others when things go incorrect, or if they don't attain a goal or target.
• Their conversations tend to exist centered effectually their problems, with an expectation that others will feel sorry for them.
• They may reject the chance to join in with fun workplace activities, or may refuse to admit that they are enjoying themselves.
• They often imply that other people accept an easier route to success, because they are given better tasks or preferential treatment.
• They seem to attract a disproportionate corporeality of drama and misfortune, compared with their peers.
• They may but hold to acquit out tasks or requests after subtle displays of passive-ambitious resistance.

Warning:

Be sure to avoid trying to fulfill the role of a mental health care professional – you lot will quickly be out of your depth. Get out information technology to psychiatric professionals to make diagnoses. Equally a rule, avoid labeling people and reducing them to a stereotype.

Step 2: Consult Your HR Section

If you believe that you are dealing with a squad member who has a victim mentality, and it is affecting them and their teams' performance, consult HR most the situation.

As nosotros highlighted earlier, taking independent action to resolve the state of affairs could hands be seen past the "victim" as bullying. It's essential to protect yourself past not appearing to be a bully.

Early on interest from HR is wise, helpful and safer for all parties. HR is there to support, advise, to give perspective and to ensure off-white play and legal compliance. And so, outline the steps that you plan to accept, and ask Hr to advise on and corroborate each one. Keep them informed at every stage, so that they are prepared to step in and mediate, or to have stronger activeness if necessary.

Note:

When raising the event with HR, be careful to stick to the facts, avert damaging gossip, maintain confidentiality and strive to preserve people's dignity. For example, a manager can seek communication in a general mode from Hr, without immediately naming the individual concerned.

Step iii: Prepare Articulate Goals and Boundaries

Be business firm about the standards of behavior and operation that you lot expect. Explain them conspicuously and go agreement from the "victim" then there can be no "wiggle room" for failure. You need to plant and maintain control of the situation.

For example, set articulate deadlines for tasks and projects and agree checkpoints to review progress. Only this is actually a brusk-term prepare; as a manager you don't want to end up micromanaging them for a long catamenia. If this happens, yous may need to consider the actions we highlight in step eight, below.

Step four: Keep a Detailed Tape

Record your observations, and keep careful notes on the actions that y'all accept and the work that you delegate.

Reviewing the evidence that you collect will help you to understand meliorate what is going on. And having a record will help you to counter whatsoever accusations that you are acting unfairly or being a bully.

Also, keep a record of the resources, training, raises, promotions, discussions, and perks each squad fellow member gets. Make certain that anybody gets their fair share of tough or unpopular assignments.

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Step 5: Focus on Team Building

Concur regular Team-Building Exercises to strengthen squad bonds. Include gratitude exercises, in which people write messages of thanks to one another. This volition help to focus anybody'southward attending on where they are being helped and supported.

Information technology may too result in the "victim" receiving thank you from a colleague. This could assist them to understand that not everyone is "out to become" them. Information technology could too requite them some pride in taking responsibility for the team's successes.

Step 6: Constitute Clear Lines of Advice

Tell your people that information technology's their responsibility to "flag up" any potential bottlenecks in a projection. For example, if i squad member's work depends on someone else completing a task, make sure that they warning y'all and hunt the other person up if there is any delay. This will help to prevent a "victim" from allowing the filibuster to become a serious problem – that they can later blame on someone else.

Likewise, requite your team members effective feedback. Apply these 1-on-ones to discuss any back up and grooming needs they might take. This means that a "victim" cannot claim you haven't offered or provided the tools that they need to do their task.

Step 7: Encourage Personal Accountability

Urge your people to exist personally accountable for the outcomes of their choices, and to take responsibility for their actions. For instance, give everyone, as well every bit the "victim," a small project. Tell them that they are responsible for completing the chore, and for overcoming whatsoever challenges that ascend. The cadet stops with them.

If they tin can successfully take responsibility in this safe environment, information technology volition assistance to build trust betwixt yous. This win will aid to build the "victim'southward" self-respect and your trust in them. Let them know that, even if they can't control every circumstance, you await them to command their reaction to adversity and to overcome information technology.

Make this an ongoing process rather than a 1-off exercise, to help reinforce their acceptance of personal accountability. As they progress, you can increase the size of these projects, or give them projects with greater levels of responsibleness.

Step 8: Don't Let the Victims' Standards Fall

If the "victim" continues to miss deadlines and targets, or their beliefs becomes as well dissentious to the squad's wellbeing or productivity, it may be necessary to brainstorm disciplinary proceedings. For instance, by issuing a formal warning.

Keep to involve an 60 minutes representative in all of your meetings and discussions. Having an objective third political party present to heed, mediate and take notes can assistance to discourage false accusations or claims of victimization at a later date.

If functioning or behavioral problems go along without any sign of comeback, exist prepared to say, "enough is enough." You owe it to the remainder of your team, and to your organisation, to act promptly and non to get involved in a long drawn-out conflict.

Key Points

People with a victim mentality believe that all of their failings and misfortunes can be blamed on someone or something else. Their endless dramas and excuses can be damaging for squad morale and productivity, and need to be dealt with swiftly and effectively.

But it'southward important to avoid any accusations of discrimination, bullying or unfair treatment. So involve HR as presently as you believe that you are dealing with someone with a victim mentality. Keeping a detailed record of your interactions with a "victim" tin also assist with this.

You can as well use team-building exercises to increase trust and appointment inside your squad. But don't let perceived injustices alibi poor operation or negative beliefs.

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Source: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/managing-victim-mentality.htm

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